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Layout by 69?

80th post :) Almost reaching 3 digits now. Almost. Haha

I've been to the ticketmaster website for about 10 times now. Deciding whether to buy the tickets to Lady Gaga's concert or not. And I have decided, Yes, I will :) March 14th, i'll be there. Currently facing some technical difficulties. But I will definitely be buying them. Just needa sort out some stuff. Treating my sister to go watch too :) A big deficit in my bank account. Ugh. NZ$ XXX.XX. I think the most expensive thing which I have purchased in my whole life (probably.. i guess? if you convert it back to msia ringgit).

I've been pretty disappointed with the results. I just dont know why.

Had my dinner with my tt mates the two nights ago. It was okay. Went to putera for Steamboat (again) and I have to say, I dont remember the dinner being rm30 ++ per person a few weeks ago! But suddenly, it has the ++ behind the rm30 now! So there's tax. What a knock off! Never going back there again (unless someone decides to treat me to a dinner, then i'll be back). Then after the dinner went for drinks (yes, I got crazy again) and the went for Pool. Haha. Overall, quite a good night.

I hate people who dont reply other people's messages. Is there alot of problem just saying 'Yes' or 'No' or 'Im busy now' ? Making people wait for your reply and actually thinking your gonna reply. Wasted time and money. Other people could have done something important in the time spent waiting for your reply ok. Can't stand people who dont reply. Sayang saja people put you Friends n Family and in the end, didnt even reply back.

Im still disappointed by the way things turned out. I dont know why. But.. I put the blame on others. But should I be the one who should be blamed? I dont know either. Ahh.. Dont hold a grudge. Needa let go. But I dont know if I can :)

I cant sleep now. Lots of emotions rushing through me. Both good and bad. I just wanna scream. And in times, I just wanna laugh. Argh.

Im broke. Seriously, BROKE. Wallet totally empty :(

Had a tough time watching Avatar. Dont ask. But, I was happy too.. Lol. very happy..

Been moody these few days (thats why my entries have been.. been.. weird) Maybe its cause of you. Lol. You changed me. :)

And yes,
I know you're reading,
I Love You too.

Thinking of you,
Stephen :)
Im am currently at City Mall's STARBUCKS. And I have to say, I am not impressed! The internet connectivity here is... is... complicated, to say the least. And the drink, its.. HORRIBLE. In New Zealand, the startbucks there a sign that says ' If your drink is not up to your liking, we'll make it right'. so, being the person that I am, I went up to the counter and complained. I demanded them to change my drink.. and to my surprise, its the same taste! It's like they forgot to add the Caramel Syrup or something like that. The Caramel Frappucino that I ordered tastes like shit. So disappointed. Plus, when I ordered, there was a long que at the picking up station. And I knew something 'bad' would happen. I was correct, someone took my drink by mistake! Ugh. I knew something would happen! I couldnt remember whether the guy was ahead of me or behind me in ordering. And I was waiting... and the staff make one Caramel Frap and placed it on the counter. I was didnt want to be so rude and just snatch it off the counter and walk away. But who knew, the guy took it! And one more drink which was on the counter for a few minutes now! Well, I still didnt know whether it was my drink or not.. so i just kept quiet. Yeah.. anyway, the staff then made a Toffee Nut Frap and left it on the counter.. after a few minutes, NO ONE PICKED IT UP. I suspected that the guy took wronly and he ordered the Toffee Nut (well, who could blame him. Both of the colours of the drink looked the same. But being a REGULAR (ahem) customer of Starbucks, Caramel Frap has CARAMEL syrup ontop of the whipped cream.. and Toffee Nut has CRUSHED NUTS ontop of the whipped cream. DUH!) hahahahha. Anyway, so I was still standing there for like 20 mins now. And I looked pissed. HAHAH. So the guy who was making all the drinks asked for my receipt and made my drink. Yeah... Finally. Anyway, Im just happy to be able to go online here for FREE. In Nz, you have to pay to use the internet in any cafe. Yes, PAY! hahah. none of them are free. So I am currently downloading my movies and using hte internet (the line is slow, i must add). Hahaha. But I am happy. Oh yea, on another note, the Starbucks internet BLOCKED out Facebook. How smart (yes, I am being sarcastic!).

Me sista is comin' back tonight from Adelaide (well, she and my mum went to Singapore for 3 days. Duh! For shopping lah!) hahah.. anyway, im glad that she's back. Finally, my whole family is back HOME. Hahaha.

Omg, can you believe it, I have 5 more weeks left in KK. Wow, time really flies! I dont wanna go back so early. But I cant do anything about it :(

Oh no. My mama and papa dont want me to go to University next year. After all my applying and emailing the staff (yes, I sound so professional), now they tell me that it's not a good idea to go to Uni so eary. Wtf. So sad. Well, you could say that I have 90% made up my mind on going (that is if I get an offer into the degree that I want). Its just that incy teeny 10% in my head that is giving the mixed signals! And now, after being lectured by my mum and dad, that small 10% is crawling its way back, and reaching the 40% mark now. I am questioning myself now. Should I go? Well, there's alot of thinking and brainstorming for me going into Uni. Yes, A LOT! For one, am I going to do Hospitality (eventhough my parents believe that Hospitality is not a good carreer choice.). And if I do study Hospitality, will I do it for the rest of my life? They want me to study another year so that I give myself enough time to think and decided about what I want to study (to be sure of what I want) and that I have my Level 3 qualification. Coz if I do graduate in Hospitality, and I want to continue my studies or go into something totally different, then I might have a tough time getting into it, as I only have my Level 2 qualifications and not Level 3. Get it?? It's so complicated. A few months ago, I was 99% sure that I will go to Uni and get my Degree in Hospitality. But now, im so lost. I have (had, probably) a FIVE year plan. HAHAHA. Yes, I came up with this plan in.. one day? HAHA. lol. anyway, my FIVE YEAR PLAN IS, going to Uni, getting my Degree in Hospitality, and then going to Aussie (that is if I have started undertaking part-time jobs which will help me with the living costs there). Let me continue, going to Aussie to apply for a apprenticeship (is there such a word? haha) with IMG (international management group) which manages international tournament and manages Athletes etc. Its main office is located in USA, but there is one in Aussie.. so yeah... and if I do finish the apprenticeship there, then I might go get a job in the Aussie Open or something. And if I do good there or something, then I might apply for a job in USA or something like that. Yeah, doesnt really sound like a 5 year plan.. more like a 10 year plan. HAHAHAHA... An important note to add : Maria Sharapova is being managed by IMG, yes, IMG. HAHAHA! I know it's a long shot that I will ever get to manage her.. But who knows? I might get transfered there to be her managers assistant

Pictures are on Facebook. :)

Stephen
'

Movies are dumb. They make you believe things that will never happen.

I've been having this dream (or you can call it a fantasy) from a few days now. REPEATEDLY having this amazing fantasy which includes a happy ending. Well, I have to say, after the first few days of having this amazing dream, I have been forcing myself to think about it to help me doze off and hopefully, to dream of being in the land where anything can happen. All this while, hoping that this fantasy of mine would really come true, I have been proven wrong everytime there's a slight possibility when this dream of mine could actually happen. It involves this person, and this person, somehow, I feel, holds my life together. I feel like I would finally be happy (again) if this came true. However, when reality kicks in, and you dont get when your dreams do not come true, what do you do? I want to stop, but I just cant. What do I do?

I have been a stalker for years now. Doing what I do everyday, hoping to be seen and noticed. And hopefully, not being the first one to get the ball rolling. It has happened before, but, I dont think this person has the same intentions as I do. I feel ashamed of what i'm doing, and I dont think that it's right. It's not normal, not normal at all.

I'm tired. I'm really tired and sick of everything now. Why cant life be easy? I dont get how people think that they are innocent, and that there's nothing you can do to prove your own innocence. It takes a lot from a person to actually show that they are true and really doing what he believes that is right. And when nobody notices, it's really disappointing. Really, very disappointing. When can one just shout out loud that he's fed up of everything? Is jumping off the roof the right decision? No? Yes? Well, jumping off seems like a good idea, to kill all the pain. If people cant appreciate the person you are, then we should all just move along, right?

When there's this glimpse of light in your heart, a glimmer of decent person in you, when you actually seem genuine, you always prove me wrong and then, I get the real you. And I think, this could not be. But my wishes for you to be the person I thought you we're never came true. Till now, I feel like giving up. But I have never given up on you either. You may hate my guts and my feelings and the way I am, but if you actually think that I would change to be the person you want me to become, then you're wrong. Someone wise told me, to change the people around you and the things around, not you changing for them. This quote is true, in fact, true that I believe I will keep it in mind whenever I feel down and depressed, I will always be motivated to change the surroundings around me and not be disturbed by the shitty people and shitty pipedreams around me.

Feelings and emotions, all trapped in ones heart. Not being able to let go, and feel free. With no worries and care for what is to happen tomorrow. I want to believe that being happy can happen anywhere (in dumb movies which they make you believe this). Being drunk the other day made me let go of my worries. I felt so free. Laughing and crying at the same time. That was a great outing. Laughing all the way home, and then laughing the next day again. And then, it took just one person, just one, to cause the biggest question that has been stuck in my head since I came back. And that question has been hurting so badly. So so badly. And my answer is 'No. Never.'



Extracts from Speechless.

Looking back at photos, and thinking about the past, I wondered, what my life would be like if 'this' and 'that' did not happen? What would I've become today? If I had not done 'that' to a person, if I had not befriended them, what would the end result be? I feel sorry for putting you out of my life in the previous years. I feel so bad. I shouldn't have ever abandoned you. When you think of it in a way where it was my fault for making a person feel miserable and lonely, you feel disgusted at yourself. I feel so bad. I'm sorry.

Friends, they are not what you want them to be. If they cant stand you, get rid of them. There's no use in giving them a second chance to be a part of your life. I create my own future and my own dreams. Dreaming big will take me wherever I want to be.


If you FUCKING hate the way I blog. Then dont FUCKING come to this page. Get the fucking hell out of here.


Whataya Want from Me,
Stephen (完全沒有任何理由理你)
people say i blog like shit. so i dont blog la. ish


stephen