Friday, July 30, 2010
I wrote half of this when I was in school. Haha. Brought my laptop. Cause I couldn't be bothered to pay attention in all my classes. Hmmm.. so all my paragraphs are written during those respective classes. :)
School has been ok. Nothing much has happened. Well, I have bad news. My school exams starts the day after my birthday. How fortunate. Hahaha. Crap. What a buzz kill. But I guess its better to be after my bday rather than before or on my birthday. Haha.
Since today is Friday, I had my Geography first. Geo is getting interesting again. doing stuff like longitude and lattitude reminds me of senior 1 geo. Haha. I actually did pretty good in s1 geo. lol. I liked it a lot. So all this new learning of what I forgotten brings back good memories. hahaha. Will be going to the Muriwai beach in August. Can't wait. Although its like in winter, im still really excited. Well, currently learning how to measure roads and stuff. Needa use the paper format to measure them. Kinda interesting. Did you know that there can be 14 grid points? wow.
Having English now. Man its boring. Currently having a test now. But the teacher took so long to connect the video and stuff, so I decided to add more to my post. Heeee. Now currently doing a Unit Standard Internal. Watching The Truman Show (Jim Carey's in it), and analysing the stuff in it. something like close reading I guess. Lol. Pretty boring. p/s I dont like my English teacher anymore.
INTERVAL! - Tea Breakkkkk.
Now its time to mentoring. Its like class meeting and all. lol. But now we're currently doing our carrers stuff. So we're finding out several universities stuff and all. Pretty interesting. I really dont know what am I gonna do next year :(
Statistics and Modelling time. the teacher's not here. So it's a reliever. But there is still work to do. Currently learning bout Normal Distribution and stuff. Didnt know they had so many types of distribution. Lol. Normal, Poisson and Binomial. Hmmm. You know what? I think i've been working really really hard in Maths thid year. Which is extremely unlike me. lol. Im prooud of myself for that. I mean, I am actually doing class work and all. Hahahaha. This is so unlike meee.
Economics next. Man this is gonna be a stressful week. Got my resubmission to do. I failed my internal. CRAP. And I am disappointed. But luckily, I get a resubmission, to be able to change stuff. And I hope I can pass, or should I say, get a merit! oh please. So this weekend I'll be glued to my laptop typing up economic analysis of my chose firm and industry. Ugh. wish me luck. Economics is getting really hard now. I actually dont understand much this topic. And I am doooomed. :(
LUNCH. Sausage Sizzle! :)
Media studies now. Omg. This is a boring class. I now fully REGRET taking it. Oh yeah. btw, I got an Excellence for my media documentary. YAY :) But I have to say, all my hard work has paid off. Doing... probably 75% of the work? Yes, I am glad I got Excellence :) As for now, we're studying Science Fiction films. so we just finished watching Terminator 2. and will be watching more films to come. Like IRobot and stuff. So.. more boring days to come :(
Well well. Now its time to stray away from my blogging and get back to doing other important stuff. Such as homework :(
Missing KK by the minute. Wana go back so badly!
It's been freeaing lately. feel like dying here :(
Stephen
Monday, July 12, 2010
94th Post :)
Man. I've been enjoying the holidays so much, I have not been doing any homework. CRAP. I just cant seem to force myself. I dont know why. I dont know how im gonna survive Uni with this lifestyle of mine. Man, I gotta change, FAST.
Okay, I have to admit, i'm missing KK so badly now. I've been looking at pictures on Facebook. And TONS of people are back in KK from all over the world. And it's not even the end of the year yet! Imagine how I would feel like in December? Oh man.. Im so sad now.
Looking back at old pictures do not help either. I've been thinking about the past, and what it was like to wake up in the morning, go to school and all my training camps and tournaments. I think I miss the tourneys the most. Thinking that a few years ago, I was frustrated, mad, and not enjoying myself. And now, I find that I miss it so badly. From winning that first medal of mine in primary school, to the MSSS tourney in Kudat in 2008. Man, all the good memories are with me. I've always blamed other people for all the feelings that I had towards the change and other stuff. And now, I find me blaming myself. I just had so many memories, of every challenge I had and every workouts I faced. So I dedicate this post to my whole life towards Table Tennis.
I might not have been the best player and best learner.. But I believe that I made an impact to everyone in the state. I will always remember all the friends I made along the way. No matter whether they are the ones opposite the net, or the ones just cheering from the corner, I will cherish the memories I had with everyone. I truly believe that this played a big part in my life.
You know how songs can play a big part of your life? Well, I think songs have helped me remember all the memories I had. Different songs remind me of the good and bad times I had throughout my tt life. Whenever I replay a song from the past, i'll think about all the laughing, crying, mad, happy times I had. And man, it's so good to have a boost with emotions are hearing those songs. I believe memories are what makes songs strong and touching. I would have to say that about 80% of the chinese songs I have are from friends that train with me. I miss the times hanging out at the canteen, transferring songs via my phone with our Bluetooth.
Training camps were always a buzz for me. I literally felt 50-50 in the beginning. But I find that coming out of every training camp, it definitely changed, 90-10. Yes, there were bad times, but when I look back at it, I think the good times trashed all my bad memories. When I think of traning camps, I think that the training part wasnt the main positive outcome I had. The best thing that I took away from training camps were the friendships I gained, and the strengthen bonds that were created between each and every player. I remember the daily lunch sessions in the (horrible / over-priced) canteen in asrama. I think that would most probably be the highlight of training camps, the lunch time :) After our lunch, we would make our way to the coaches room, or to the back of the training hall. The small grass area and the walkway was like my second home. Tons of good and bad memories lie on that walkway. Thinking back to the memories, I now really wanna go back and see it for myself again.
All the coaches I had. Man, they were really good people. I think it was my first real coach that was the one who changed everything. He was a scary, moody, unfriendly (at that time) person. Everyone was terrified of him. Yet, he really did take his time to coach us, and be really strict. And I think that we needed that. All the players needed that. Until the time came, when he passed, it was devastating. It kind of killed the association. No one really replaced him as a coach. Till today, I still remember what he said to me after the U13 Final in Sandakan in 2005. Till today, I find his word of congratulations so touching and moving. He was smiling at me. For being a man who never really smiled and never really talked to us, that few seconds of talking and smiling really made a difference. Come to think of it, I now believe that he was the opposite, he was a nice, calm, friendly coach, that I've come to miss, a lot. I miss you Mr.Pang.
I think that I was / am a person which everyone will remember. I know I've proved people wrong, showing them that I am not what they thought I was. I know that I was the one where players were excited to play, or to train with, and that is what makes me happy. I wasn't a stuck up, annoying, bad, unfriendly person throughout my tt life. And I am proud of the way I presented myself all those years.
Through the losses, and wins, I strongly believe that I have learnt a lot. Coming back from almost losing, or losing from a huge lead, I think these are the times when they make you a stronger, better person. I appreciate everything that I have experienced, and would not change a thing. I definitely miss my tt life.
OH how could I forgot all the different places I've been due to all the tourneys in different places. I am grateful for all the opportunities I was given. No matter, state-wide, or nation-wide, I will always cherish the places that I have been. I mean, not everyone gets to experience what I have exprienced. all the good times I've had with all my team mates in hotel rooms, apartments, dorm rooms, and training centres, I am truly grateful to have all the memories of all the fun I had.
I shouldn't be jealous of people, they should be envious of me, what I've gone through and all the memories I had. :)
Till next time,
Stephen
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I have a goal for my BLOG. Which is to get 100 entries before my birthday. Yes, before my birthday. Seems easy, but it's my 93rd one now. and I need 7 more entries in two months. So, I know I can do it.
Howdy Ya'll,
It's been a long time since I've been here, So I guess I should update about my life here.
I wonder what it would be like if my singing was good. You know when you feel like singing wherever you go, but you're afraid of other people listening to you and you sound bad? Well, I always wondered what life would be with a good voice to sing my heart out when I am happy or depressed or angry. But I realised that no matter how good or bad your voice is, it's the feeling of letting it all out that help make me feel better.
I've been in so much stress the past term. The first term was only 9 weeks long. This term however, was 11 weeks. Yes, what bad planning by the education department. I mean, Term2 is when all the assignments are carried out and all the freaking stressful internals (projects) are done, and they had to make it 11 weeks long! It was such a stressful term, to say the least. I was pushed to my limits alright. Sleepless nights, and endless time spent on the computer typing, I worked my butt off for all my internals.
Economics - my most disappointing result yet. I failed my first entry. I was so devastated. Completely ruined my holiday mood, because I worked so hard on it. It was so freaking hard. The task is to research an industry in the New Zealand market and distinguish the characteristics on the market. Well, I did the telecommunications industry (mobile phone network) is an Oligopoly. And I bloody worked so hard on it. And apparently, my bibliography (referencing) was not good enough. I was like 'WHAT?'. Yes, disappointment. Lucky for me, I have another resubmission to hand in. So I'm working extra hard on it this holiday. Well, the toughest thing about this internal was that we didnt get any class time to do the research and stuff. So I had normal lessons and the internal taking place at the same time! Man it was darn stressful. Learning the economics syllabus while having to do this at home was HARD.
Geography - I had to resubmit my Rotorua internal. And I got a Merit, from an Achieved. Well, I have to say that I'm pretty happy bout it. But then, we had another internal after that, which is about e-waste (Electronic Waste). Yes. And the internal was done in class, open book (but you need to hand in all your books during the first time of the test, and cant take it back till the last day). well, I had to talk about how e-waste affected the world, etc etc. Lots of researching and work to do. And I hope I did well. Aiming for AT LEAST a Merit for this one. (Well, I really need an Excellence for this one). And NOW, our holiday work is to do MORE research for our NEXT internal, on Climate Change. Dang, I have so much work to do for Geo. This time, this internal, I needa draw diagrams (yes, diagrams like Brainstorming, tree diagrams, boxes etc) And it ALL has to link with the causes, effects of climate change. Diagrams, and a short paragraph for each. I am an essay type of person and not really good with diagrams and pictures, so I think this is gonna be a tough one for me.
Statistics and Modelling - Man, I had 3 internals for this subject. And man it was HARD! I got one Achieved and two Merits for this one. To be honest, it was kinda easy to get Merits, which I got two. So, I have to say that I'm pleased. Although, I knew that I could have done better, aiming for Excellence and all. But I just didn't know what to write for Excellence. Yes, for Maths, you have to write paragraphs to get Merits and Excellences. For example, I needed to write about the trend line for scatter plots and graphs. You might be going 'what the hell?'. But yes, it was as hard as you imagined it to be.
English - Well, English was definitely the easiest for me. We needed to do more close reading, which I am more than happy to do. Coz I love watching films and talking about them. So nothing hard really. Except that my teacher is like SHIT. I don't like her at all. Especially the stuff she wrote on my student report! UGH!
Media Studies - This is the WORST bunch out of the lot. Yes, if I had long hair, I would've slowly pulled one strand out every time I got frustrated. And trust me, I would be bold by the time the holidays came. This years internal is a production of a Documentary. And me being the nice person I am (yes, I am not perasan-ing now, not at all). I was so nice that when my ex-teammate from last year turned round and asked me 'what is our documentary gonna be about?', I didn't slam them down and tell them that I dint freaking wanna work with them again. And this is where I regret the most. I didn't stand my guard and tell them I'd rather work solo instead of working with them again. I had the pain of doing the Group's work last year. I probably did 95% of the whole work last year. And I am NOT bragging. And I thought this year would be different. How dumb was I? So I cant blame my team for my stress levels. I have to blame myself too. So, there is definitely a longer story to this, but I am gonna make it as short as possible. So then we came up with different documentary concepts, and all the group discussions we had ended up with no direction. So I was trying so hard to push my topic to be chosen. Either about how Facebook has changed teenagers life or how why mobile phones should be allowed in school. But no, they had to choose the idea of Gaming Addiction. Don't get me wrong, this is a good topic, but I was looking to the future, and I knew that it would be hard to freaking do this topic. Who would we interview? What data would we use? What is our main idea for the documentary? Well, all these questions of mine left unanswered, and I came up with the answers myself. My f*cking group was not a group, to say the least. One of them is a serious gamer (it was his idea) and I thought I could rely on him to help the most, since, you know, he has experienced it first hand and all. To my surprise, he did, well, like 30%? But then when I started adding my own suggestions, he started turning them down as well, so I did get frustrated too. And all those put downs, led to more frustration, which led to stress. Readers out there don't know how much I have suffered. I've been waiting for someone to talk to, to let it all out, but I wasn't heard. I felt sad and angry and disappointed and moody the whole time while dealing with this shit. At the end of the day, I wasted my precious time to finish the editing, but then idiotic people go mess it up and change it. Fine, change all you want, but then those idiotic people DO NOT FINISH IT once they changed it. Come on, you're making it worse. I could've just gave up, but I didn't. and I am damn proud I didn't. I overcame a huge challenge I'd have to say. One person, in particular, gave me headaches. He always said 'Nahh, it's easy to find information". But he never did. Then he always said "Nah, we have a lot of time." In my head, I went 'No idiot, we don't have f*cking time." Then he used to say 'Nah, footages are easy to get." But the bloody idiot didn't even get footages. He always said it's easy, it's easy, but he never gets it done! Now I realise I would rather do it all alone, rather than with the dumb group I got stuck with. Whenever I was stressed, he kept telling me 'Man, we're so screwed'. Idiot. Plain, and dumb. He makes me so mad. Seriously, I would punch him right now if I could. If you wanna know who he is, go to my facebook profile and then keep searching all of my statuses, he bloody commented 'We're screwed.' Man once I read that, I wanted to shove a sock down his throat right away. I cant stand him anymore, I just cant. Well, finally, the project is done. but there's a resubmission next term, and I don't feel like I wanna do it. So I'll see how it goes. Just reading this makes me mad. I hope it does to you.
Well, back to MY LIFE. Hahaha. (I think that this is the first time I Haha-ed). Lol. My life is ok I guess. Relaxing now during the holidays. Hmmm.. I don't know, but I feel like I've been misunderstood by some people. Have I don't something wrong? I don't know. I hope I did not. Maybe I thought that a certain person is different. But I think I got proven wrong. Hmm.. what ever it is, I have learnt to not let it affect my life.
I've been going through a lot of old photos now. And man I miss all the memories I had when I was in KK. Argh. How I wish I could go back NOW.
Well, till the next update then. :) Stay strong people. we all need it
Stephen