Monday, July 12, 2010
94th Post :)
Man. I've been enjoying the holidays so much, I have not been doing any homework. CRAP. I just cant seem to force myself. I dont know why. I dont know how im gonna survive Uni with this lifestyle of mine. Man, I gotta change, FAST.
Okay, I have to admit, i'm missing KK so badly now. I've been looking at pictures on Facebook. And TONS of people are back in KK from all over the world. And it's not even the end of the year yet! Imagine how I would feel like in December? Oh man.. Im so sad now.
Looking back at old pictures do not help either. I've been thinking about the past, and what it was like to wake up in the morning, go to school and all my training camps and tournaments. I think I miss the tourneys the most. Thinking that a few years ago, I was frustrated, mad, and not enjoying myself. And now, I find that I miss it so badly. From winning that first medal of mine in primary school, to the MSSS tourney in Kudat in 2008. Man, all the good memories are with me. I've always blamed other people for all the feelings that I had towards the change and other stuff. And now, I find me blaming myself. I just had so many memories, of every challenge I had and every workouts I faced. So I dedicate this post to my whole life towards Table Tennis.
I might not have been the best player and best learner.. But I believe that I made an impact to everyone in the state. I will always remember all the friends I made along the way. No matter whether they are the ones opposite the net, or the ones just cheering from the corner, I will cherish the memories I had with everyone. I truly believe that this played a big part in my life.
You know how songs can play a big part of your life? Well, I think songs have helped me remember all the memories I had. Different songs remind me of the good and bad times I had throughout my tt life. Whenever I replay a song from the past, i'll think about all the laughing, crying, mad, happy times I had. And man, it's so good to have a boost with emotions are hearing those songs. I believe memories are what makes songs strong and touching. I would have to say that about 80% of the chinese songs I have are from friends that train with me. I miss the times hanging out at the canteen, transferring songs via my phone with our Bluetooth.
Training camps were always a buzz for me. I literally felt 50-50 in the beginning. But I find that coming out of every training camp, it definitely changed, 90-10. Yes, there were bad times, but when I look back at it, I think the good times trashed all my bad memories. When I think of traning camps, I think that the training part wasnt the main positive outcome I had. The best thing that I took away from training camps were the friendships I gained, and the strengthen bonds that were created between each and every player. I remember the daily lunch sessions in the (horrible / over-priced) canteen in asrama. I think that would most probably be the highlight of training camps, the lunch time :) After our lunch, we would make our way to the coaches room, or to the back of the training hall. The small grass area and the walkway was like my second home. Tons of good and bad memories lie on that walkway. Thinking back to the memories, I now really wanna go back and see it for myself again.
All the coaches I had. Man, they were really good people. I think it was my first real coach that was the one who changed everything. He was a scary, moody, unfriendly (at that time) person. Everyone was terrified of him. Yet, he really did take his time to coach us, and be really strict. And I think that we needed that. All the players needed that. Until the time came, when he passed, it was devastating. It kind of killed the association. No one really replaced him as a coach. Till today, I still remember what he said to me after the U13 Final in Sandakan in 2005. Till today, I find his word of congratulations so touching and moving. He was smiling at me. For being a man who never really smiled and never really talked to us, that few seconds of talking and smiling really made a difference. Come to think of it, I now believe that he was the opposite, he was a nice, calm, friendly coach, that I've come to miss, a lot. I miss you Mr.Pang.
I think that I was / am a person which everyone will remember. I know I've proved people wrong, showing them that I am not what they thought I was. I know that I was the one where players were excited to play, or to train with, and that is what makes me happy. I wasn't a stuck up, annoying, bad, unfriendly person throughout my tt life. And I am proud of the way I presented myself all those years.
Through the losses, and wins, I strongly believe that I have learnt a lot. Coming back from almost losing, or losing from a huge lead, I think these are the times when they make you a stronger, better person. I appreciate everything that I have experienced, and would not change a thing. I definitely miss my tt life.
OH how could I forgot all the different places I've been due to all the tourneys in different places. I am grateful for all the opportunities I was given. No matter, state-wide, or nation-wide, I will always cherish the places that I have been. I mean, not everyone gets to experience what I have exprienced. all the good times I've had with all my team mates in hotel rooms, apartments, dorm rooms, and training centres, I am truly grateful to have all the memories of all the fun I had.
I shouldn't be jealous of people, they should be envious of me, what I've gone through and all the memories I had. :)
Till next time,
Stephen